ef299e07

COVID 19 Impact on Funerals

beckyandlee@hotmail.co.uk (Becky Thomas) — Thu, 01 Oct 2020 13:25:26 GMT

Saying Goodbye Differently or.... Perhaps Not At All

The Coronavirus pandemic has been hard for everyone in some way or another, however for many people bereaved during this time it has meant more loss and trauma.

It is difficult enough at any time to experience the death of a loved one. Since the start of the pandemic in March 2020 it has been even more challenging for the bereaved. From not being able to see a loved one at the end of their life, to not being able to attend their funeral.

All the additional complexities and restrictions families have had to experience have no doubt added to their distress and trauma.

At the time of writing this, the current situation is that a maximum of 30 people can now attend a funeral service (25 at my local Crematorium due to its size).

Throughout this time I have seen families have to cope with not being able to carry out the wishes of their deceased loved one, such as not being able to sing their favourite song or hymn, or even touch the coffin for the fear of Covid transmission. I have also seen first hand how hard it is for families to communicate emotions with masks on, and how daunting it all looks having the professionals around at the funeral wearing masks.

There have been services I have conducted where key family members have not been present due to them shielding, or there not being enough capacity at the Crematorium.

It has been really hard to see families unable to be close together or even give each other a hug when they desperately need it.

I must say that, despite all of this, I have also witnesses the most amazing Funeral Directors, Crematorium staff, and hospital staff, provide a non-stop, sensitive, and caring service to the bereaved they have been supporting. I am aware of how hard it is for them to have to put in place the restrictions, and to have to disappoint people when they are unable to give their loved one the goodbye they would have liked to.

It can be difficult to see positives when so many people have been additionally traumatised b y this, and when so many have lost their lives to Covid-19.

Times like these can bring out the best in people though- and the way people have adapted is remarkable. With some funeral services now being streamed online, those who are unable to attend in person can watch the funeral virtually. For many this will be positive and will provide comfort, however, we must not assume that is the case for everyone -for those who are already alone and isolated it may be an even more difficult experience to watch it alone.

I have had to adapt my work as best I can. I have a face visor so that I can talk to families and they can see my full face and expressions. Supporting people without basic body language and facial expressions just feels so unnatural and challenging. I take my visor off when it is safe to do so (following social distancing guidance) and also whilst conducting the service from the lectern. It feels important to do this so people can hear me and see me well.

I carry a handmade Cornish tartan face mask with me to use when I am in larger groups and not needing to communicate natural emotional responses.

Whilst restrictions have understandably been put in place with the aim of preventing the spread of the virus and to ultimately save lives, it is important for those who have experienced a bereavement during this time, to have their experience and feelings about it validated.

I also hope that those who haven't felt they have had the opportunity to say goodbye are able to find some comfort in finding their own alternative way of doing so.

Please contact me if you would like any ideas on creative alternatives and memorial services.

I look forward to the day where I can shake hands with people again or provide a hug when it is needed!

********

If you have been bereaved during the pandemic, you may find it helpful to talk to someone, a friend or relative, or an organisation who support following bereavement.

Please visit www.cornwallbereavementnetwork.org to look at the support available in Cornwall.

Let's Get Wed!

beckyandlee@hotmail.co.uk (Becky Thomas) — Thu, 02 Jan 2020 20:20:03 GMT

Will You Marry Me?

Let’s get Wed!

Asking the big, life changing question, can be extremely nerve-wracking. However, this can be such a memorable moment for most couples.

It can be difficult to know where, when and how to pop the question ‘will you marry me?’.

Start by considering your timing. Is now a good time to bring up marriage as a subject for both of you? It may be that you have already spoken about your future together and you already have a good idea that marriage is on the cards.

Marriage may be too much to consider as a couple right now because of other factors going on in your lives. If you get the feeling that now isn’t the best time, then perhaps start by gently discussing the concept of marriage. Talk about how you both view marriage and what it means to each of you. You may find that your partner would prefer a civil partnership or that they personally don’t place much value on marriage –remember, this doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t value you or your relationship though!

Maybe there isn’t ever going to be the perfect time to propose and it’s going to be about doing your best and going for it!

Ring or no ring?

Rings are very symbolic in relationships and the joining of couples in marriage, yet some people may not even want a ring at all.

Try to take note of what rings your partner already wears. Get a sense of the style of jewellery they usually go for – what metal do they usually wear?

If they already wear a ring on their ring finger, then keep an eye out for when they take it off. You could get a ring measurer to check it for size or you may get away with borrowing it so you can take it to be measured by a jeweller.

Alternatively, use one of their own rings for the proposal moment and then make shopping for an engagement ring an exciting day out after you get a ‘yes’! Then you can factor in a nice meal out together to celebrate too!

Down on one knee or not?

Well, traditionally yes, the proposer would get down on one knee of course! This is not an option that feels right for everyone and that is okay.

Consider if you might like to go to a meaningful place to propose -perhaps somewhere special to you both. Arrange an outing there together…. and don’t forget the ring!

If you are nervous then don’t worry about making your proposal too theatrical and focus on making it meaningful and special. If saying the words ‘will you marry me’ out loud feels difficult then perhaps write the question on a note or somewhere creative your partner will see it.

Of course, if you like theatrical then bring out the photographers, the choir, the band, the flash-mob or anything that takes your fancy and represents who you are as a couple!

What if they say ‘no’?

If after all your preparation you don’t get the ‘yes’ you had hoped for then it is okay to be disappointed and upset.

There may be many reasons your partner says ‘no’ to marriage. Try your best to talk openly about how you feel and discuss your thoughts on marriage and your future together. Listen to your partners thoughts and feelings. It might be a ‘no, not now’ and this can be the start of ongoing discussions between you about marriage.

What if they say ‘yes’?

Get excited! Talk together about what each of you feels makes a nice wedding for you, discuss the things that are important to you both. Work together and share your ideas. Visit some wedding fairs, look online for ideas, ask around for recommendations and look at websites such as Pinterest for inspiration.

As with any relationship, there may be things you both need to compromise on.

Don’t forget – using a Professional Celebrant for your wedding can give you so much choice and flexibility on when and where you celebrate your wedding.

If a celebrant wedding is for you then I would be delighted to hear from you. I will work with you both to create a bespoke ceremony – unique to you and your relationship.

Best wishes

Becky x

Ceremonies by Becky

07547 754593

b@ceremoniesbybecky.co.uk

www.ceremoniesbybecky.co.uk

Ceremonies by Becky Thomas is getting started!

beckyandlee@hotmail.co.uk (Becky Thomas) — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 21:51:09 GMT

I am sooooo excited!

Well, here we go! Today is the first day of my new website! I am hoping that this will be the place to come to for anyone considering a ceremony, of any kind, in Cornwall.

Cornwall is such a beautiful county so why wouldn't people want to have a ceremony their own way in such stunning surroundings!

I am really exited about helping people get the ceremony they want, when and where they want it....weddings, vow renewals, naming ceremonies or just about any ceremony you could dream of!

Keep an eye on my blog for ideas, celebrations and evidence of just how fantastic it can be to have your own unique ceremony. xxx